


Regrets

by gryffinqn



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Gen, Minor panic attack, ned's really going through it, this is a ned character study
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-25
Updated: 2019-04-25
Packaged: 2020-02-04 08:34:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18600901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gryffinqn/pseuds/gryffinqn
Summary: Ned considers his life choices and friendships. He also makes a tough decision. Set after episode 26 (directly after the twist-you know the one).





	Regrets

**Author's Note:**

> warnings: brief panic attack (non-graphic)

Ned had messed up a lot in his life. He knew this. His biggest regret, of course, was the night he thought he left his partner and friend to die. Now, with the knowledge that he was indirectly responsible for the death of Aubrey's mother, that night held a lot more regret. 

Kepler was supposed to be different. Even if the Cryptonomica was in danger of closing every month, it was a good job. He made friends out of his colleagues and thought perhaps this time it would be better. There was a genuineness in his heart that he hadn't felt in ages. Despite his mistakes, he ventured to say that he was happy here. Fighting monsters wasn't ideal but knowing he had people that trusted him- That he trusted back- made a world of difference. 

But as Ned watched his doppelganger on that cursed hotel television, he felt his heart drop. In fact, his heart more than dropped; it stuttered uncomfortably in his chest. His heart pounded in his ears. The dim hotel room walls seemed to constrict and push against his skin. Distantly, Ned realized he was hyperventilating. In an effort to calm down, he stumbled back on the bed behind him.

Through the fog in his mind, he hoped that his friends would believe him. He wanted to think that they wouldn't be angry when he told them the truth. Ned imagined himself walking through the doors of Amnesty Lodge and being embraced by his friends. Forgiveness abound, even if he didn’t deserve it. Usually, Ned would never let himself believe his own lies. He had too much practice with that sort of thing. However, in that cold, dark hotel room, Ned allowed the fantasy of his friend's trust and love calm him down.

With his mind semi-clear, Ned stood up and faced the body of his former partner. He had been through enough break-ins and robberies to know what this meant for him. When the manager came to clear Boyd out tomorrow morning, he'd find the body and call the police. They would search the hotel security feed and find Ned entering the room not once, but two separate times. Hotel cameras usually produces fuzzy, unclear images, but Ned had driven his car here. People had definitely seen him, and no number of blurry images could hide the fact that he had been the last to enter Boyd's room. Ned ‘Fuckin’’ Chicane was truly fucked. 

There wasn't much time then. The cops would come looking for Ned sooner rather than later, so he had to make himself scarce. Being the master criminal he was, Ned probably could've thought up multiple ways to get out of this particular situation, but there were more important things to him now than going back to jail.

Ned exited the hotel room after checking quickly that the manager was nowhere to be seen. The Cryptonomica van parked in front of Boyd's hotel room was damning evidence against him but Ned didn’t care.

When he was behind the wheel once again, the Abomination-Ned's words come back to him. Whoever this abomination was, he had it out for Ned. Ruining not only his friendships but potentially causing a war between Sylvain and Kepler. Ned should just skip town like he used to after his more disastrous grifts. The damage is probably done now and no amount of lying to himself will make him believe it will all turn out okay. But his friends deserved the truth even if it meant Hell for Ned, so he swallowed his pride and drove to Amnesty Lodge. 

The drive to the Lodge is quiet. Ned's heart stopped pounding and he could finally breathe normally again. He thought of all the things he could tell his friends that would make everything right. He practiced his explanations and even prayed to whatever god was listening for just a little help. Aubrey deserved to know about the Flame Bright pendant and his hand in her mother's death. Barclay and Mama would get a sincere apology for all the shit he's caused them. He hadn't done anything to hurt Duck specifically (that he knew of), but he'd get an apology whether he liked it or not. All these scenarios played out in Ned's head as he pulled into the parking lot. He hoped they would hear him out, though he secretly knew there was a slim chance. 

Ned parked as far away from the door as he could. He was stalling and he knew it, so he used the extra time for deep breaths. They came out too ragged too quickly and he realized he hadn't been this nervous since his first B&E. 

The first person the spot him in the lobby is Dani. She's holding Dr. Harris Bonkers and looking worriedly in the direction of the cellar door. The lobby is filled with a few other Sylphs glaring daggers at him, but he chooses not to notice. Dani, on the other hand, rounded on him and effectively cut off his move towards to cellar. She pointed a single finger at him and yelled, “Ned ‘Discretion’ Chicane, what have you done?!” Ned froze.

In all his time as a grifter, he never froze but being confronted by one of the few people that trusted him sent him back into a panic. “Dani, please. If you can find it in your heart to trust me one last time, please listen to me.” He meant for it to come off in his usual charming voice, instead he sounded high-pitched and scared. Something in Dani's eyes changed and she began to say something when the cellar door slammed open. Aubrey Little was the first to charge at him, followed by a confused looking Duck, and an angry Mama and Barclay. Everything Ned had prepared to say died in his throat.

Aubrey grabbed him by the collar and yanked his face closer to her. There was fire in her eyes, almost literally. She dangled something red in front of his face and it took his eyes a second to understand what he was seeing. His blood ran cold. “Aubrey,” he squeaked. “You deserve an explanation-” Aubrey let go and pushed him away. She gritted out, “You were there, weren't you?” He nodded, not knowing what to say. His tongue felt as heavy as lead and when he wanted to talk all that came out was silence. 

Duck placed a hand on Aubrey's shoulder, “Uh, let's take this downstairs, yeah?” Aubrey shook his hand off and reared her own back. For a second, Ned thought his ass was about to get burned but the sudden pain in his nose told him he'd just been punched. His blood dripped to the floor and he didn't even bother to stop the flow. He just stood there watching Duck pull Aubrey back. Mama turned her back and walked down the cellar stairs. Barclay looked conflicted but followed Mama anyways.

Ned's brow contorted in pain. He begged, “Will you let me explain, please?” Duck escorted Aubrey to the cellar door and turned his head towards him. “I think you've done enough,” he said firmly. The door closed with a bang.

“You should go.” Dani whispered. Ned hadn't noticed she was still standing next to him. “Come back when they've calmed down. I promise they'll listen.” He recognized the pity in her eyes and frowned. He said, quietly, “Dani, this was my only chance to explain.” She shook her head and he pressed, “I'm not exaggerating-” He pressed his hand against his temple. “Listen, you are all about to hear a lot of bad shit about me. Just, one last time: can you trust me?” She nodded minutely, a frightened expression on her face. “Everything you're about to hear isn't true.” He paused and faced the front door. “Just know, I'm not a murderer.” With that, he walked out, ignoring Dani's confused replies.

The walk to the van felt longer this time. It was late now and probably chilly, yet he couldn’t feel it. His legs moved numbly on their own accord and when his saw his own arm close the van door, all feeling returned at once. He felt the weight of the world on his shoulders and a crushing sense of dread in his heart. He slumped against the driver’s seat and for the first time in years, Ned Chicane honest to God cried

**Author's Note:**

> This was my first fic in forever- and first fic for TAZ. Something about Ned in that last episode hit me real hard and so here i am.  
> I've posted it on my tumblr as well @cryptidjeepers :)


End file.
